What are the three main challenges of a struggling relationship?
Questions like “Why haven't you…" are not helpful at this time. And statements like “If I were you, I would…" are often premature if not arrogant.
The first challenge that people face when their families are struggling is to speak, see, feel and act positively towards themselves. People tend to blame themselves or assume that others are blaming them or holding them accountable. However, it is necessary for their own survival, growth and successful handling of the situation to love and value themselves in the midst of family turmoil. After having loved, valued and forgiven ourselves, the second challenge is to love the one who has hurt us; to speak, see, feel and act with love towards the person who has wronged us. This can be the second biggest challenge. The third challenge is to support and encourage them as they pass through the dark valley, this is a gift of inestimable value. When people are hurt, now is not the time to blame, condemn or find fault. Now is not the time to reject or criticize. Rather, it is the time to listen to their pain; to be considerate instead of correcting; to accept them instead of presenting them with the “right” biblical and theological answers. Speaking in terms of a “must do” even if it's true - it's acting like the friends at work, who have broken their 7 days of heartwarming silence to offer pointless advice. Questions like “Why haven't you…" are not helpful at this time. And statements like “If I were you, I would…" are often premature if not arrogant. And even when people speak with positive intentions, they often lack enough information or empathy to be believable and caring.