You are not perfect either, how to learn to accept others?

You are not perfect either, how to learn to accept others?
Tue, Sep 20, 2022, Anta Sarr

Most of us have difficulty accepting what others want to be, do, or have. We try to convince others to be what we fail to be ourselves. We want to change ourselves as much as we want to change the other.

If we tell ourselves that we only want to help the other to change because we ourselves have succeeded in adopting a new behavior that helps us a lot. How can one know that this is what this other soul needs to experience, to experience? Deciding that another person has the same needs as us is called pride: we believe ourselves better than the other and make him feel inferior until he can be like us. It is also a sign that we have not accepted the old behavior. The best way to come to accept our surroundings more easily is the notion of responsibility. This notion says that we are never responsible for the consequences of the decisions, actions or reactions of others. Letting others take responsibility is a huge help in communicating better. When we fear for ourselves – which happens when we don't take responsibility – it's impossible to really listen. A person who really knows how to listen lets the other speak instead of lecturing them or giving them advice they didn't ask for. She asks him questions to help him find his answers. Above all, she helps the other to discover what she really wants and what she is ready to do to achieve her goal. The listener does not believe that she is obliged to do everything so that the other achieves her ends, which would amount to taking responsibility for the other, therefore not assuming her responsibility. When we believe ourselves responsible for others, we in return want others to be responsible for us. It's the perfect way to nurture difficult relationships! Learning to communicate leads us to be clearer about commitments. A lot of non-acceptance from others comes from the fact that we have too many 'expectations without agreement'. Indeed, when we have expectations of someone, it is because we are afraid for ourselves in this situation, if the other does not meet our expectations. When we experience disappointment with another person, we can infer that we have expectations. Let's give thanks for this incident that helps us become aware of a fear that we probably didn't know existed. We must remember that no one has the right to force anyone to commit. It is better to know that the other does not want to commit rather than to experience a situation where the other simply commits to have peace, having no real intention of honoring his promise. There are those who join in the sincere belief that they can keep their promise, but they have not given enough thought to the consequences of such a promise. Then they realize that they have over-committed themselves, that it is beyond their limits. What to do when someone makes a commitment to us and doesn't keep their word? Just use the MIRROR technique. What is the word MIRROR used for? Because since the beginning of time, different teachings have taught us that our surroundings are our reflection. This approach must be used to become aware of what we accept from ourselves or not. When we see a certain behavior in another person, whether positive or negative, and we are able to simply observe it, without criticizing or judging and without being disturbed, we know, then, that we accept when we adopt this behavior. As long as we are disturbed by something that we want to change in the other, there will always be someone around us who will act in such a way as to draw our attention to what we have to accept from us. themselves. In general, people say that they are not like the one they judge. That's why this approach is called MIRROR: to remind us that what we see in another is exactly what we see when we look in the mirror. It belongs to us and does not belong to the mirror. Even if we change mirrors - change spouses - we will see the same thing in the next mirror. The ideal solution is to check with the person we are judging under what circumstances the latter is judging us of the same. Why is it so hard for our ego to admit that others are our mirror? Because we are afraid of not being loved if we dare to be like this. The less we accept ourselves and try hard not to be like a certain person, the more we become like them. The more we find an attitude unacceptable, the more we wanted to deny the fact that we are that way. Using this technique each time you experience a difficulty with another person is simply magical. This approach helps us to become aware of what we have to accept of us. It tells us that we must give ourselves the right to be different from what our ego believes to be “good”. Behavior is truly experienced in harmony when we give ourselves the right to experience both its positive and negative aspects. The mirror technique should only be used to help us accept the aspects of ourselves that we don't like, and not to force ourselves to become immediately what we want to be. Forcing means controlling to be perfect by our ego's standards and it only leads to a loss of control in this behavior or another. In our entourage, all those whom we attract towards us, are our mirror. We need each of these people. Thanks to them, we quickly become aware of the aspects of us that we accept or not. The more a person does not bother us, the more the latter plays a decisive role in our life in order to draw our attention to what we have accepted from ourselves. This mirror theory also applies to everything we admire in a person. That is to say that each character trait that we envy in a person, each facet that we do not believe we possess, are in fact aspects that are part of us, but that we do not want to recognize them. The only reason we refuse the fact that we can be like those we admire is the fear of not being loved if we dare to be like that. It only remains to welcome the fear that prevents us from recognizing our beautiful qualities to help highlight them.